Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.
But she had enchantment upon her of fearful sort, which could be only broken by love's first kiss.
She was locked away in a castle guardet by a terrible firebreathing dragon.
Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevaild.
She waited in the dragons keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love
and true loves first kiss.
Like that's ever going to happen.
What a loony.
Shrek
Beware
Stay out
I think he's in here.
All right. Lets get it!
Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
Yeah. He'll groan into your bones for his brains.
Well actualy that would be a giant.
Now Ogars, huh, they are much worse.
They'll make a supe from your freshlly peeled skin.
They'll chew your livers, squize the jelly from your eyes.
Actually, it's quite good on toast.
Back beast, back!
I warned you!
Right.
This is the part, where you run away.
Yeah!
And stay out.
Wanted. Fairytail creatures.
Right, this one is full. Take it away.
Give me that.
Your fine days are over. 25 pieces of silver for the witch.
Next.-Come on.
Sit down there! And be quiet!
This cage is so small.
You wouldn't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change.
Please, give me another chance.
Oh, shut up!
Next.
What do we got?
This little wooden puppet.
I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy.
Five shilings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
No! Please, don't let them do it!
Next. -No! -What do you got?
Well, I've got a talking donkey!
Right.
Well that's good for ten schilings, if you can prove it.
Oh, go ahead little fellow.
Well?
He's just a little nervous.
He's really quite a chatter box.
You boneheaded donkey!
That's it. I have heard enough. Guards!
No, no, he talks, he does!
I can talk. I love to talk.
I've talked to...
Get her out of my site! -No, no, I swear!
Hey, I can fly. -He can fly! -He can fly!
He can talk! -That's right, fool!
Now I'm a flying, talking donkey!
You might have seen how fly, maybe even a superfly.
But I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly!
Seize him!
Get him! This way! Hurry!
You there. Ogar. -I.
By the order of lord Farquaad.
I am authorized to place you both under arest.
And transport you to designated resettelment facility.
Oh realy?
You and what army?
Can I say something to you?
Listen, you were really really something, back there. Incredible.
Are you talking to...
...me?
Yes, I was talking to you.
Can I just tell you that you were really great back there with those guards.
They tought that was all of that.
And then you showed up and BAM. There was tripping on over them selves like in the babes woods.
That made me realy good to see that.
Oh, that's great. Really.
Man, it's good to be free.
Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own fiends?
But I...
I don't have any friends.
And I'm not going out there by myself.
Hey wait a minute. I have a great idea...
I'll stick with you.
You and mean green fighting machine.
Together we'll scare the spin if anybody crosses us.
Oh, a, that was realy scary.
Maybe you don't mine me saying. If that don't work, your breath will certainly do the job done.
You definitively need some tick-tack or something,
'couse your breath stinks!
Man you've...
Just like the time...
...and then I ate some rotten berryes.
Man I had some strong gases leaking out of my but that day.
Why are you following me?
I'll tell you why.
'Couse I'm all alone,
there is no one here, beside me.
My problems have all gone. There's no one to derive me.
But you got to have... -Stop singing!
Well, it's no wonder, you don't have any friends.
Wow! Only a true frend would be that trully honest.
Listen! Little donkey.
Take a look at me! What am I?
A...
...really tall?
No! I'm an Ogar. You know, grab your torch and pitchforks.
Doesn't that bother you?
Nope.
Really? -Really really.
Oh?
Man, I like you. What's your name?
A..., Shrek.
Shrek?!
But do you know, what I like about you, Shrek?
You've got that kind of: "I don't care what nobody thinks of me" thing.
I like that, I respect that, Shrek. You're all right.
Uh, look at that.
Who would wana live in a place like that?
That would be my home.
Oh, it is lovely. Just beautiful. You know you're quite a decorator.
It's amazing what you did with such a modest budget.
I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
I guess, you don't entertain much, do you?
I like my privacy.
You know I do to. That's another thing, we have in common.
Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You try to give them a hint and they won't leave.
And then there's that big occured silence, you know?
Can I stay with you? -What?
Can I stay with you, please.
Of course! -Really?
No. -Please! I don't wan't to go back there.
You don't how is like to be concerned like a freak.
Well..., maybe you do. But that's why we have to stick together!
You got to let me stay! Please! Please!
OK, OK.
-But one night only. -Huh, thank you!
A, what are you do... No!
This is going to be fun. We can stay up late, swap the manly strories.
And in the morning...
I'm making waffles.
Where do I sleep?
Outside!
Oh, a, I guess that's cool. You know, I don't know you and you don't know me...
... so I guess, outside is best for me.
Here I go.
Good night.
I do like that half door. I'm a donkey all alone outside.
Sit by myself outside, I guess.
I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me.
-I thought, I told you to stay outside. -I am outside.
Well James. This is far from the farm, but what choice do we have?
It's not...
What a lovelly bed. -Got you!
I found some cheese. Awful stuff.
-Is that you Gordon? -How did you know?
Enoug! What are you doing in my house?
Oh, no, no, no... Death prog off the table!
Where would we supposed to put her. The bed's taken.
What?
I live in a swamp. I've put up signs. I'm a terrifying Ogar!
What do I have to do, to get a little privacy?
Oh, no! No, no!
What are you doing in my swamp?
All right, get out of here. All of you. Move it! Come on, let's go.
And hurry up, hurry up.
No, no, not there. Not there!
Hey don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
Oh gosh, no one invited us. -What?
We were forced to come here. -By who?
Lord Farquaad. He...
All right.
Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
Oh I do. I know where he is.
Does anyone else know where to find him?
-Anyone at all? -Me. -Anyone?
Oh pick me, I know! Me, me.
Ok, fine.
Attention all fairy tale things!
Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially warned up.
In fact. I'm gona see this guy Farquaad right now and get all off my land and back where you came from.
You. You're comming with me.
All right. That's what I like to hear, man.
Shrek and Donkey, two stubborn friends off on a world and big city adventure. I love it.
I'm on road again. Sing with me Shrek! I'm on road again...
What did I say about singing?
-Can I whistle? -No.
-Well, can I hummer? -All right.
That's enoug. He's ready to talk.
Run, run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me.
I'm the ginger-bread man.
You monster.
I'm not a monster here. You are.
You and the rest of that farrytail trash, poisoning my perfect world.
-Now tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me.
I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end!
-Tell me! Or I'll... -No, no, not the buttons.
Not gumdrop buttons.
All right! Who's hiding them?
Ok, I'll tell you.
-Do you know the muffin-man? -The muffin-man?
-The muffin-man. -Yes, I know the muffin-man.
Who lives on Proully lane?
-Well, she's married to the muffin-man. -The muffin-man!
-She's married to the muffin-man.
My lord! We found it.
Well then, what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
Magic mirror.
Don't tell him anything!
Evening.
Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kindom of them all?
Well, technically, your not a king.
A..., felonious.
-You were saying. -What I mean is a...
...you're not a king, yet.
But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
Go on.
So, just sit back and realax my lord,
becouse it's time for you to meet todays eligible batch leerets.
And here they are.
Batch leeret number one is a mostly abuse shading from a kindom far far away.
She likes sushi and hottubbing anytime.
Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for two evil sisters.
Please welcome... Cindrerella.
Batch leeret number two is a kemp wearing girl from a land of fantasy.
Although she lives with seven other man, she is not easy.
Just kiss hers dead frozen lips and find out what a live wife she is.
Come on. Give it up for... Show-white.
And last but certalnly not least.
Batch leeret number three is a firebreathing dragon,
brand new, guarded castle, surrounded by a hot boiling lava. But don't let that cool you off.
She's a loaded pistol who likes Pinacoladas and getting cut in the rain.
Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona.
So will it be batch leeret number one? Batch leeret number two?
Or batch leeret number three?
-Two... -Three! -Two!
One. No, no, no.
Three. Pick number three my lord.
Ok, ok. Number three.
Lord Farquaad. You've chosen... princess Fiona.
She's nice. Fiona. She's perfect.
All I have to do is just find someone...
But I probably should mention little thing that happens at night...
-I'll do it! -Yes, but after sunset...
Silence!
I will meke this princess Fiona my queen.
And Dulock will finally have the perfect king!
Captain! Assemble your finest man.
We're going to have a turnament!
That's it, that's, right there, that's Dulock.
I've told you I'll find it.
So. That must be lord Farquaads castle.
Aha, that's the place.
Do you think maybe he's comfit sating for something.
Hey, hey wait up Shrek!
-Hey, you! -No, no!
Wait a second.
Look, I'm not gona eat you. I just...
It's quiet.
To quiet.
Where is everybody?
Hey look at this.
Wow!
-Let's do that again. -No. no.
All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom.
Sorry about that.
That champion should have the honer, no, no...
...the privilage to go forth and rescue the lovelly princess Fiona from the fireing keep of the dragon.
If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner up will take his place.
And so on, and so forth.
Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
Applause.
Let the turnament begin.
What is that?
Ugh, it's idiotest.
Oh, that's not very nice.
It's just a donkey.
Indeed.
Knights! New plan. The one, who kills the Ogar, will be named champion.
How about him.
Oh, hey. Now, come on.
Can't we just settle this over a paint?
No?
All right then.
Come on.
Hey Shrek! Let me, let me!
Chair! Use the chair!
Thank you. Thank you, very much.
I'm here until Thursday. Try the bier!
Shall I give the order sir?
No. I have a better idea.
People of Dulock. I give you our champion!
What?
Congratulation, Ogar.
You've won the honer of embarking on a great and noble quest.
Quest? I'm already on a quest.
A quest to get my swamp back!
-Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp!
Where you dumped those farrytail cratures.
Indeed.
All right Ogar, I'll make you a deal.
Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your swamp back.
Exactly the way it was?
Down to the last slime covered toast tool.
-And the squaters? -As good as gone.
What kind of quest?
Ok, let me get this straight!
We gona go find the dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp,
which you only don't have, 'couse he filled it with ??? on the first place.
-Is that about right? -You know what?
Maybe there is a good reason, donkeys shouldn't talk.
I don't get it Shrek. Why didn't you just pull some Ogar stuff on them?
You know, problem... Grab his bones to make you brave. You know the whole Ogar trick.
Oh, you know what. Maybe I could have decapitateded entire vilage and put their heads on plate.
Got a knife, cut open thier spleens and drink their fluids.
Does that sound good to you?
A, no, not really, no.
For your information there is alot more to Ogars then prople think.
-Example. -Example?
OK, a, Ogars are like onions.
-They stink? -Yes, no.
-O, they make you cry. -No.
Oh, you leave them out on the sun and they get all brown ???
No! Layers! Onions have layers.
Ogars have layers. Onions have layers.
You get it? We both have layers.
O, you both have layers.
You know not everybody likes onions.
Cake! Everybody like cakes. Cakes have layers.
I don't care what everyone likes.
Ogars are not like cakes.
You know what everyone likes? Paffe.
Have you ever met a person and you say: "Hey, let's get some paffe" and
they say I don't like paffe. Paffe is delicious.
No! You tensed, irritating, miniature peace of barden.
Ogars are like onions. End of story.
Bye bye. See you lather.
Paffe is maybe the most delishus thing on the whole damn planet.
You know I think I've prefered you...
Do you have a tissue or something, 'couse I'm making a mess.
Just the word paffe has made me start slimying
Whu, Shrek, did you do that?
Man you got to warn somebody before you just crack one off.
My mouth was opened and everything.
Belive me donkey if it was me, you'd be dead.
It's brimstone. We must be getting close.
Yeah, right, brimstone.
Don't be talking mr. Brimstone. I know what I smell and what no brimstone.
And they don't come of stone neither.
Shure it's big enough, but look at the location.
Oh, Shrek, remember when you said that Ogars have layers?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I have a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers.
??? sleeves.
Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
-You know what I mean. -Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of highs.
No, I'm just a little uncomfortable of being on a rickety bridge over boiling lake of lava!
Come on donkey, I'm right here beside you. Ok?
For emotional support.
We'll just hackle this together one little baby step after time.
-Really? -Really really.
Ok. That makes me feel so much better.
Just keep moving and don't look down.
Don't look down, don't look down.
Shrek! I'm looking down!
I can't do this. Just let me go back, please.
-But you're already half way. -Yeah, but I know that half is safe.
Ok, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
Shrek, no, wait.
Don't do that!
Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?
-Oh. This? -Yes, that!
Yes, yes. Do it. OK.
-No, Shrek! -I'm doing it.
I'm gona die. I'm gona die. Shrek, I'm gona die.
That will do Donkey, that will do.
Cool.
So where is this fire brathing pain in the neck animal?
Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her.
I was talking about the dragon Shrek.
-Are you afraid? -No, but shhhhh.
Oh, good. Me neither.
Becouse there's nothing wrong with beeing afraid. Here's a responsible situation.
Not to mention dangerous situation. And there's dragon that breathes fire.
I'm sure he's meaner then a cow or anything, but they're scare. You know what I mean.
I'm sure he's havyer then a cow...
Donkey. Two things. Ok?
Shut, up.
Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess.
The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
What makes you think she'll be there?
I read it in a book once.
Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs.
Oh, I'll find those stairs. I'll ???. That's right.
Those stairs won't know which way they go.
The draffting stairs...
Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I master the stairs.
I wish I had a stair right here right now, I'd step all over it.
Well, at lest we know where the princess is.
-But where is the... -Dragon!
Donkey look out!
Got you.
Oh, what large teeth you have.
I mean, white sparking teeth.
You probably hear this all the time from your food, but
you must bleach yourself, becouse that is one dashing smile you got there.
And do I detect the hint of minty freshness?
And you know what else?
Your a girl dragon. Oh, sure. I mean 'course you're a girl dragon,
'couse you're just ricking the feminine beauty out.
What's the matter with you? Do you have something in your eye?
Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know I'm a asthmatic and
I don't know if we would worked out. You'd be blowing smoke and stuff.
Shrek!
No, Shrek! Shrek!
-Wake up! -What?
Are you princess Fiona?
I am.
Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
Oh, that's nice. Now let's go.
But wait, sir knight.
This be our first meeting.
Should not be wonderful, romantic moment?
Yeah. Sorry lady there's no time.
Hey, what are you doing? You know, you should sweep me out of my feet.
Out throug the window and down the rope by to your valued steed.
You've had a lot of time to plan this, heaven't you?
Aha.
But we have to sing throug this moment.
You can residing of a poem to me.
A ballad, a sonet, a libertic. Or something.
I don't think so.
Well, can I at least know a name of my champion?
Shrek.
So, Shrek.
I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.
Thanks.
-You didn't slay the dragon? -It's not my job to do this. Now, come on!
But this isn't right.
???
That's what all the other knights did.
Yeah. Right before they burst in the flame.
That's not the point.
Wait. Where are you going? Exit is over there.
Well, I have to save my ass.
What kind of knight are you?
One of a kind.
...rush into physical relationship.
I'm not that emotionaly ready for commitment of a, magnitude.
That was the word I was looking for. Magnitude.
Hey, that is unwanted physical contact.
Hey, what are you doing?
Ok, ok, let's just back up a little and take this one step at the time.
I mean, we really should get to know each other first, you know what am I saying.
As friends, maybe even as...
Hey don't do that. That's my tail. That's ma personal tail.
And you're going to tear it off....
Oh, no. No!
-It talks?! -Yeah. It's getting to shut up ???
Ok, you two. Head for the exit.
I'll take care of the dragon.
Ruuuuun!
You did it. You rescued me.
Amizing, you're wonderful. You're a ...
...a little ??? to admit, but
by deed is great and by heart is pure. I'm entirely in your debt.
And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed.
I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed.
She thinks I'm a steed.
The battle is won. You may remove your helmet good sir knight.
-A, no. -Why not?
I have helmet hair.
Please. I wouldst look opponent face of my rescuer.
Oh, no, you wouldn't, dust.
But, how will you kiss me?
What? That wasn't in a job description.
-Maybe it's a perk? -No. It's destiny.
You must know how it goes.
A princess locked in a tower and ??? by a dragon is requed by a brave knight.
And then they share true loves first kiss.
With Shrek? You think, wait...
...you think Shrek is your true love?
Well, yes.
You think Shrek is your true love.
What is so funny?
Let's just say, I'm not your type, ok?
Of course you are. You're my rescuer.
Now remove your helmet.
Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
-Just take off the halmet. -I'm not going to.
-Take it off! -No!
-Now! -Ok, easy.
As you command your highness.
You're an Ogar.
Oh, you ware expecting princ Charming.
Well, yes actually.
No. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an Ogar.
Princess, I was sent to rescue by lord Farquaad, ok?
He's the one, who wants to marry you.
Well, then why did't he come to rescue me?
Good question. You should ask him that, whan we get there.
But I have to be rescued by my true love.
Not by some Ogar and his pet.
Well so much for noble steed.
Look princess. You're not making my job any easyer.
Well I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem.
You can tell lord Farquaad that if he want's to rescue me properly,
I'll be waiting him right here.
Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right?
-I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare.
-You comming donkey? -Put me down!
Yeah, I'm right behind you.
Put me down or you will suffer the consequences.
This is not dignified. Put me down.
Ok, here's another question. Let's say that a woman 'diged' you, but you don't really like her.
That way. Now, how you let her down real easy, so her feelings aren't hurt?
But you don't get burnned to a crisp neither. How do you do that?
Just tell her, she's not your true love.
Everyone knows what happens when you...
Hey! The sooner we get to Dulock, the better.
Oh, yeah. You gona love it there princess. It's beautiful.
And what of my groom to be, lord Farquaad. What's he like?
Well, let me put it this way, princess.
Men of Farquaads stature are in short supply.
Oh no, Shrek. There are those who think little of him.
Stop it. Stop it, both of you.
You know, you're just jealous that you can't never measure up to a great ruler like lord Farquaad.
Yeah. Well maybe you're right princess. But I'd like you do that measuring when you see him tomorrow.
Tomorrow?
It will take that long?
-Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No. That would take longer.
We can keep going.
But there's robbers in the woods.
Woha, time out Shrek. Camp is definitely something that sounds good.
Hey. Come on. I'm scarier then anything we're gona see in this forest.
I need to find somewhere to camp, now!
Hey, over here.
Shrek, we can do better then that. Now, I don't think this is decent for princess.
No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
Homey touches? Like what?
A door.
Well, gentleman I..., good night.
Do you want me to come in and read you a bedtime storry, 'couse I will...
I said good night!
Shrek! What are you doing?
I just..., you know...
Oh, come on, I was just kidding.
And that one, that's Throwback.
The only Ogar to ever spit over three wheat fields.
Right. Yeah.
Hey, can you tell my future form these stars?
Well, the stars don't tell future, Donkey.
They tell stories. Look.
There's Blodna, the ???
You can guess what is he famous for.
All right. Now I know you're making this up.
No. Look. There he is and there's a group of hunters running away from the stag.
Man, there ain't nothing, but a bunch of little dots.
You know donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear.
Forget it.
Hey Shrek. What are you gona do when we get our swamp back, anyway?
-Our swamp? -You know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff.
We? Donkey, there is no we. There's no our.
There's just me and my swamp.
And the first thing I'm gona do is build a ten foot wall around my land.
You cutted me deep Shrek, you cutted me real deep just now.
You know, what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a was to keep somebody out.
No, you think?
-Are you hiding something? -Never mind Donkey.
Oh, this is anotherone of those onion things, isn't it?
No. This is one of those drop it and leave it alone things.
-Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it?
-Oh, I do not. -I'm not talking. -Oh yes you are.
-Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that Shrek. Who?
Everyone, ok?
-Oh, now we're getting somewhere. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'.
Hey, what's your problem Shrek? What do you got against whole world anyway?
Look. I'm not the one with the problem. Ok?
It's the world that seems to have a problem with me.
People take one look at me and go: A..... Help! Run!
A big stupid ugly Ogar.
They judge me, before they even know me.
That's why I'm better of alone.
You know what? When we met, I didn't think you're just a big stupid, ugly Ogar.
Yeah, I know.
So, a... Are there any donkeys up there?
Well, there's a Cabby. The small and anoying.
Ok, ok. I see him, now. Big shining one, right there. That one, over there?
That's the moon.
Again. Show me again.
Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.
Perfect.
Yeah. You know I like that. Oh come on baby...
-Donkey. Wake up. -What? -Wake up.
Morning. How do you like your eggs?
-Good morning princess. -What's all this about?
You know, we kind of got of to a bad start yesterday and I wanted to maked up to you.
I mean after all, you did reascue me.
Thanks.
Well, eat up.We've got a big day ahead of us.
-Shrek! -What? It's a compliment.
Better out then in I always say.
But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
-Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are.
You know. You're not exactly what I've expected.
Well, maybe you shoudn't judge people before you get to know them.
Princess!
What are you doing?
??? for I am your saver. And I am rescuing you from this green...beast.
Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own.
Please, monster. Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are.
Oh, of course. How rude that was.
Please, let me introduce myself. Oh marry men!
Man, that was annoying.
Oh, you little...
Shall we?
All the ???
Whoa, hold on, now. Where did that come from?
-What? -That. Back there. That was amazing.
Where did you learn that?
Well, when one lives alone it has to learn these things in case there's a...
There is an arrow in your but.
What? Oh, would you look at that.
Oh, no... This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
-What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Shrek's hurt!
-Oh, no. Shrek's going to die. -Donkey, I'm ok.
You can't do this to me Shrek. I'm to young for you to die.
Keep your legs ???. Turn your head ???.
-Does anyone know how to handle... -Donkey! Calm down.
If you want to help Shrek, run into woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.
Blue flower, red thorns. Ok, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
Don't die Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
-Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
-What are the flowers for? -To get rid of Donkey.
Now, you hold still and I'll yank this thing out.
-Hey! Easy with the yanking. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
No, no. It's tender. What you're doing here is the opposite...
-Don't move. -Ok, look. Time out. -Would you... Ok.
What do you propose we do?
Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
This would be so much easier if I wasn't color blind.
Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
Hold on, Shrek. I'm comming!
Not good.
Ok, ok, I can lose it. It's just about it.
Nothing happend.
We were just a...
Look if you want to be alone, all you had to do is ask, ok?
Oh, come on. That's the last thing on my mind.
The princess here was just... Au!
Hey, what's that? Is that...
There it is, princess.
-Your future awaits you. -That's Dulock?
Yeah. I know. You'll shrink things lord Farquaad is conversating for something, which I think he has a really...
I guess we better move on.
Sure, but Shrek...
-I'm worried about Donkey. -What?
I mean. Look at him. He doesn't look so well.
-What are you talking about? I'm fine. -Well, that's what they always say.
And the next thing you know you're on your back.
-Dead! -You know she's right. You look awful.
-Do you want to sit down? -You know, I'll make you some tee.
Right, I won't say nothing, but
I've got this twinge in my neck. And if I turn my neck like this, look. Au, see?
-He's hungry. I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewoods.
What, where are you going? Oh man, I can't feel my thumbs.
I think I need a hug.
This is good. This is really good.
-What is this? -Wheat rat.
-Rotatory style. -No kidding.
-Oh, this is deliciousness. -Well, they also great in stews.
Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean wheat rat stew.
I guess I'll be dining a little different late tomorrow night.
Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime.
I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you.
Swamp-??? soup, fisheyes ???, you name it.
I'd like that.
-A, princess? -Yes, Shrek?
I'm a.... I was wondering.
Are you... a...
Are you gona eat that?
Man, isn't this romantic. Just look at that sunset.
Sunset?! Oh, no. It's late. It's very late.
-What? -Wait a minute. I see what's going on here.
You're afraid of the dark. Aren't you?
Yes, yes. That's it. I'm terrified. You know I'll better go inside.
But don't feel bad, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark to.
Until... Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
-Good night. -Good night.
Ahh. Now I really see what's going on here.
Oh, what are you talking about.
Hey I don't wana even hear. Look, I'm an animal and I got instincts.
And I know that you two are digging on each other. I can feel it.
Oh, you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to lord Farquaad.
Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the fairy???
Just go in there and tell her how you feel.
There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that... well you know.
I'm not saying that I do. 'Couse I don't.
She's a princess and I'm...
...an Ogar.
Yeah, an Ogar.
-Hey, where are you going? -To get more firewood.
Princess. Princess Fiona?
Princess, where are you?
Princess?
It's very spooky in here and are we playing little games.
-No, no.-Help! Shrek! Shrek!
-No. -Shrek! -It's ok. It's ok.
-What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, shhh. I'm the princess.
-It's me, in this body. -Oh my god. You ate the princess.
-Can you hear me? -Donkey!
Listen, keep breathing. I'll get you out of there!
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
This is me.
Princess? What happend to you?
You're a... different.
-I'm ugly, ok? -Yeah.
Was there something that you ate? 'Couse I told Shrek those rats were a bad idea.
-You are what you eat, I say. -No. I've been this was as long as I can remember.
What do you mean? Look, I've never seen you like this before.
It only happens when the sun goes down.
By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm until you find your true loves first kiss.
Then, take loves true from ???...
-Oh, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's the spell.
When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me.
Every night I become this. This horrible ugly beast.
I was placed in a tower to await the day when my true love would rescue me.
That's why I have to marry lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sunset and he sees me. Don't you see?
All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly.
Wait, you are ugly. But you only look like this at night.
Shrek's ugly 24/7.
But Donkey, I'm a princess. And this is not how a princess in meant to look.
Princess. How about if you don't marry Farquaad?
I have to. Only my true loves kiss can brake the spell.
But you know, you're kind of an Ogar.
And Shrek... Well you've got a lot in common.
Shrek?
Princess, I... How is it going first of all? Good? Good for me to. I'm ok.
I saw this flower and thought of you becouse it's pretty.
And, well, I don't really like it, but you may like it, becouse you're pretty.
But I like you anyway. A....
I'm in trouble. Ok, here we go.
Who could ever love a pice of hideous and ugly? Princess and ugly don't go together.
That's why I can't stay here with Shrek, but only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
Don't you see Donkey? That's just how it has to be.
It's the only way to break the spell.
Well, at least you have to tell Shrek the truth.
No, no. You can't breathe the word. No one must ever know.
What's the point of ain't beeing able to talk? You got to keep secretes.
Promise you won't tell. Promise!
All right, all right. I won't tell. But you should.
Before this is over, I'm going to need whole lot of serious therapys.
Look at my eye twinkling.
Should I tell him? I tell him not.
I tell him. I tell him not.
I tell him!
Shrek! Shrek! There's something I wan't to...
Shrek. Are you all right?
Parfect. Never been better.
I... There's something I have to tell you.
You don't have to tell me anything, princess. I heard enough last night.
-You've heard what I said? -Every word.
I tought you'd understand?
Oh, I understand! Like you said, who could love a hideous, ugly beast!
-I tought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah, well, it does.
Ah, right on time. Princess. I brought you a little something.
What I missed? What I missed?
-Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over.
Very well, Ogar. The deed to your swamp. Cleared out as agreed. Take it and go.
Before I change my mind.
Forgive me princess for startling you, but you startled me.
For I've never seen such a radiant beauty before.
-I am lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad?
Oh, no, no... forgive me my lord for I was just saying short... farewell.
Oh. That is so sweet. You don't have to raise good manners on the Ogar.
-It's not like it has feelings. -No. You're right. It doesn't.
Princess Fiona, beautiful ???
I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make...
Excelent! I'll start the plans for tomorrow we'll...
No! I mean I... Why wait?
Let's get married today. Before sunset.
Oh, anxious are we? You're right. The sooner, the better.
There's so much to do.
Yes, the cake, the gang, the guests... Captain! Round up some guests.
Farewell Ogar.
Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her to get away.
-Yeah, so what. -Shrek. There's something about her that you don't know.
-I talked to her last night. She's... -Yeah I know you talked to her last night.
You're great pal, aren't you? Now, if you two are such good friend, why didn't you follow her home?
-Shrek. I want to go with you. -I told you, didn't I?
You're not comming home with me. I live alone. My swamp, me and nobody else!
Understand? Nobody! Especially usless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
-But. I tought... -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong.
Shrek.
Donkey?
What are you doing?
I was thinking of all the people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.
Well, yeah. But the wall supposed to go around my swamp. Not throug it.
It is around your half. See? That's your half and this is my half.
Oh, your half?
Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess.
I did half the work. I get half the '???'. Now hand me that big o rock, the one that looks like your head.
-Back off! -No. You back off!
-This is my swamp. -Our swamp.
-Let go, Donkey! -You let go!
-Stop it, jackass. -Smelly Ogar.
Fine!
Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you, yet.
-Well, I'm through with you! -Well, you know. You were always me, me, me.
Well, guess what? Now it's my turn!
So you just shut up and pay attention!
You are mean to me, you insult me, you don't appreciate anything I do!
You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
Oh, yeah? If I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
Becouse that's what friend do. They forgive each other!
Oh, yeah.You're right Donkey. I forgive you for stabing me in the back!
You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy. You're afraid of your own feelings.
-Go away. -See? There you are, doing it again. Just like you did it to Fiona.
And all she ever did, is liked you. Maybe even love you.
Love me? She said I was ugly! A hideous crature.
-I heard that you two were talking. -She wasn't talking about you. She was talking about...
...somebody else.
She wasn't talking about me? Well then, who was she talking about?
No way, I'm not saying anything. You won't listen to me, right? Right?
-Donkey. -No!
Ok, look. I'm sorry, all right?
I'm sorry.
I guess I am just a big stupid, ugly Ogar.
Can you forgive me?
-Hey, that's why friends are for, right? -Right.
-Friends? -Friends.
So? What did Fiona said about me?
Why are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her.
The wedding! We'll never make it in time!
Never fear! For where there is a will, there is a way.
And I have I way.
Donkey?
-I guess this is just my act of magnetism. -Oh, come here, you.
All right. All right. Don't get all started. No one likes kissass.
All right, hop on. Hold on tight.
I hadn't have a chance to install seat belts, yet.
People of Dulock. We're gathered hier today to bare witness to reunion of our new king...
Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to "I do"s.
Go on.
If I'll need you, I'll whistle. How about that?
Shrek, wait, wait. You want to do it right, don't you?
-What are you talking about? -It's the line, it's the line you got to wait for.
The priest is going to say: "Speak now or forever hold your peace".
And that's where you say: "I object".
-I don't have time for this. -Wait, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me!
Look, you love this woman, don't you?
-Yes. -You want to hold her!
-Yes. -Please her! -Yes!
Then you got to, got to try a little tender love.
-Chiks like that romantic crap. -All right. Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
We got ot check it out.
And as so by the power of these two...
What do you see?
-I now pronounce you... -There they go!
-...he all ready said it. -Oh, for 'the love of pit'.
I object!
Shrek?
Oh, now what does he want?
Hi, everyone. Having a good time, aren't you?
I love Dulock, first of all. Very clean.
-What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough beeing alive, when no one wants you.
But showing up uninvited to a wedding...
-Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you want to talk?
Well it's a little late for that. So if you'll excuse me.
-But you can't merry him! -And why not?
Becouse, becouse he's just merrying you so he can be a king.
-Outrageous! Fiona don't listen to him. -He's not your true love.
-What do you know about true love? -Well, I love...
Oh, this is precious.
The Ogar has fallen in love with the princess.
Laugh.
Shrek. Is this true?
Who cares. It's propos??? Fiona, my love we gona kiss away for our happily ever after. Now kiss me!
By night one way, by day another.
I wanted to show you before.
Well. That explains a lot.
Oh. It's disgusting. Guards, guards. I order you to get them out of my sight.
-Now! Get them! Get them, both! -No!
Marriage is minding??? and that makes me king. See? See?
-Shrek! -No.
-Don't just stand there, you dogs. -Get out of my way.
No! Shrek!
-And as for you my wife. -Fiona!
I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!
I will have order. I will have potential. I will have...
All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it.
I'm a donkey on the edge!
Celebrety marriages. They never last, do they?
Look at that Shrek.
-Fiona? -Yes, Shrek?
I love you.
Really?
Really really.
I love you to.
A time of true loves first kiss...
Fiona?
Fiona? Are you all right?
Yes. But I don't understand.
I'm supposed to be beautiful.
But you are beautiful.
I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
God bless us, everyone.
The End.
Mail: zemo3320@yahoo.com